How I lost my first million

Me, sitting in front of the computer, turning 38 this year, with tons of financial and family obligations, watch the empire I've built for the last ten years crumbled and collapsed in a blink of an eye, and I can't do anything about it. I can already imagine and picture the disappointment on my wife's face, and how worrisome my parents would be.

How it all started

I was on a plane to the United States, this was my first time traveling internationally, in fact I hadn't traveled much for my entire life, let alone sitting on a plane to a foreign country I've no idea about. But this time is different, this is not a trip for leisure, with maybe $1,000 in my pocket, I carried my family's future on my back. I still remember the harsh question the immigration officer asked during the interview:

"Your saving seems low, how are you gonna support yourself during the school years?"

(I've no idea...)

"Whatever it takes." I said.

And indeed, that was what I did, in 18 months, I graduated and got a job right after. I didn't attend my graduation ceremony since all my peers were still in school. I remembered the moment when receiving my diploma in the mail, I smiled, and put it away in the drawer, and never seen it since.

The hike

Alex Hormozi once said, "If you want the sure thing, go buy real estate, if you want the big thing, build a SaaS." I took the safe path, year after year, I bought a piece of real estate and lived my frugal life, got married and had my own family. In a few short years, I had a portfolio of properties worth millions, life was fantastic. Finally I can afford dining out every week without looking at the price (and the exchange rate of my local currency).

US economy was booming back then, stock was up, real estate was up, everything was going up. And Covid hit, the government poured in helicopter money to save everyone. Everybody got "rich" all of a sudden, at least people thought they were, everything kept going up like crazy.

So was my ego, it creep in quietly.

"Go big or go home." I told myself.

Sold my portfolio, I became a syndicator of apartment buildings and solicited investments, leveraged every credit line that I can find, I was rich on paper. Launched several social media accounts, I became a "guru" of teaching people how to be financial independent. The good old investment principles that took me to where I was got throw out of the window, everyday I was focusing on counting likes, or bragging to get more likes.

I was the center of the universe.

One day I was walking on the street and said to myself, life isn't that hard right? Based on my investment projection, I will be set for life in two years, it's done.

Set for life. That's something I can't even imagine when I was on that plane to the US.

The crash

The ego within myself, it's like a beast, it fed by social approvals, by Instagram likes. It got to a point where I check my net worth on my phone every single day when I woke up. If I saw someone popular I will go check his net worth. Sounds ridiculous but that was me, life became a number's game.

Naval Ravikant once said on one of his podcast interviews, "play stupid games, win stupid prizes." That was me, I was building an "empire" on a pile of sand.

And time is up.

US finally entered its interest rate hike cycle after everyone was complaining inflation was out of control. All the rate sensitive investments plummeted, commercial buildings, apartment buildings that were on a short-term bridge loan, cryptos are breeding out, so as my so-proud net worth.

What does it feel like to lose everything in a year?

I screamed.

I cried.

I thought about ending my life.

Even I got a bit of PTSD right now when I drive around the city and see the apartment buildings and houses I used to own.

The redemption

When all the materialistic things are wiped, inner peace turns into a luxury, and that becomes my daily goal of achieving. Finally, I can see things that I was too busy to see before.

My wife's smile.

My kids' cuteness.

The bright sunlight from the window every morning.

I started to pick up my bible, learn to pray, to meditate and watched the entire series of Chosen.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. - Romans 5:3

This particular verse becomes the wallpaper of my phone and reminds me constantly.

Reading also becomes my hobby, and thanks to Ryan Holiday, for guiding me through his book on how to combat ego and stay humble, that I wish I knew when I was younger.

What's next?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein sums up pretty good, this time I need to tackle it from a different angle. Although that might require me to build from scratch and unlearn a lot of things, but that's the beauty of life isn't it? And this time, I'm not at the top of the mountain anymore and have nothing to lose.

Next chapter

I recently spent a few months at my spare time building Pigeonform, a new way of building engaging online form. It's free and in beta testing, so it could have a lot of unexpected weird things going on. Give it a try and support me, it means a lot. 😭

If you have any feedback, good or bad, don't hesitate to shoot me an email at johnny@pigeonform.com or DM me on Twitter @johnnysitu.

You're right, I go for the "big" path this time.

It's not a money path.

It's not a social approval path.

But a path that brings me the most joy, and inner peace. 🍃

See you next time!